Navigating Family Dynamics During the Holidays

As the holiday season approaches, many individuals may experience a wide range of emotions related to family gatherings. Have you noticed yourself falling into specific familial roles during these times? If so, this may indicate a role you have outgrown.

While it can be challenging to escape old patterns, especially during the holidays, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy may offer valuable insights and support.

Understanding EMDR

EMDR is a scientifically validated therapeutic modality designed to help individuals process trauma and address negative thoughts, beliefs, and/or cognitions. When you think about visiting family for the holidays, consider the emotions that arise. Do you feel worried, excited, or perhaps frustrated? Imagine these feelings intensifying—where would you feel safe expressing them?

Individuals who grew up in chaotic environments may revert to avoidance or busy behaviors during family gatherings, often feeling compelled to fulfill designated roles, such as "keeping the peace." Understanding these patterns can be liberating. A peacemaker roll may indicate a negative belief of “I have to keep the peace to be loved”. If the individual has this inner negative belief, they may only feel loved when they maintain harmony in the family unit. This can lead to the individual's difficulty with setting boundaries in their own life.

If an individual adopts “busy behaviors” as their role in the family, they may have a negative belief that “I am invisible or unimportant”. This may cause them to withdraw into avoidance of others with excessive busy work. The thought may be “they may notice me for what I do and how helpful I am”. This negative belief can lead to the individual rarely speaking up for themselves and the false sense that their needs do not matter.

The Role of EMDR

EMDR helps individuals identify and reprocess negative beliefs and experiences, transforming them into positive adaptive beliefs. This therapeutic approach fosters self-awareness and self-acceptance, empowering individuals to express their true selves in any environment. Through guided techniques, including bilateral stimulation (BLS), EMDR provides a safe space for personal growth and transformation.

As you prepare for the holidays, reflect on the roles you play within your family and the emotions they evoke. Seeking support through EMDR can help you navigate these dynamics and embrace your authentic self.

Written By: Hope Sparks, MA