Looking Within: A Journey With Internal Family Systems

Ever feel like your mind is hosting a lively debate, with different parts of you passionately arguing over who gets to drive? Welcome to Internal Family Systems (IFS), where your psyche is like a bustling town meeting, and at the center is the Self—the wise, compassionate leader who keeps the peace (and probably has the best snacks).

What Is IFS

Internal Family Systems (IFS) is a therapeutic approach that sees our minds as composed of different "parts," each with its own role.

Managers are the proactive protectors, striving to maintain control and prevent chaos. They often look ahead and tenaciously work to avoid discomfort and pain.

Firefighters are reactive responders/protectors that jump in during and after crises, using distractions or impulsive behaviors to manage overwhelming emotions.

Exiles are vulnerable parts that hold deep emotional pain and burdens. They are often kept hidden to shield us from suffering. Healing these exiles is essential for achieving inner harmony and living within self-energy.

There are 8 C’s of Self in IFS

Calm: You can maintain your cool, even when life feels like a game of dodgeball—just without the bruises.

Curiosity: Instead of throwing judgment like confetti, you ask questions like, “Why do I feel this way?” It’s like playing detective in your own mind—magnifying glass optional.

Compassion: You treat yourself like you would a friend. “Oops, I forgot a meeting? No worries! We all have our moments… usually involving a lack of coffee.”

Confidence: You feel assured in your decisions, even when your inner critics are throwing a tantrum like toddlers in a candy store.

Courage: You face challenges head-on, armed with the knowledge that you can handle whatever comes your way.

Clarity: Your thoughts are clear, like the first sip of fresh coffee on a Monday morning.

Creativity: You tap into innovative solutions, turning problems into opportunities. Who knew that the “disaster” could become a brilliant idea?

Connection: You feel a sense of belonging, not just to others but within yourself. It’s like hosting a dinner party where everyone gets along.

 How Therapy Can Help

While the journey to understanding your Self is empowering, it can also be complex—like trying to assemble IKEA furniture without the instructions. This is where a therapist trained in IFS can be invaluable. They can help you map out your inner landscape, identifying the various parts and their roles.

A skilled therapist can guide you through the process of uncovering and healing your exiled parts and fostering integration between your parts by assisting you in accessing self-energy. They provide a safe space to explore these dynamics, allowing you to recognize patterns and create healthier relationships within yourself.

With their support, you can learn how to nurture your Self, fostering qualities like compassion and clarity while giving the other parts a voice. They’ll help you understand that each part, even the noisy ones, has something valuable to contribute to your overall well-being. Together, you can navigate the complexities of your inner world, transforming internal debates into constructive conversations.

 Written By: Jessica Sahoury, MA, LMFTA